8/31/23

The other day I met up with my friend. The first thing out of her mouth was “You look pretty, you’ve lost weight!”.

First off, RUDE! Why is weight always the first thing that someone sees in another person? Second, why does anyone have to lose weight to look good? Life is hard enough without being set to this standard. People all over say things like this and then wonder why no one has a healthy self-image.

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I can’t tell you how many times I changed my outfit this morning, looking for the Goldilocks-looking outfit, something that didn’t make me feel disgusting, wasn’t too fancy, or too casual… something just right.

Let me be the one to tell you that this outfit doesn’t exist. It is some imaginary belief we are made to believe because society has made us feel like we aren’t good enough to wear what we want. If we wear skinny jeans, we’re “outdated”. If we wear skin-tight pants with a skin-tight top and vice versa, we aren’t balancing out our outfit “correctly”. Or my personal favorite, if we wear black and red together, we’re wearing “devil colors”. THEY’RE JUST COLORS!

If we followed every outfit rule in the book, what is even left for us to wear… trash bag?

Picking an outfit in the morning should be fun, we should be able to pick something out to express who we are. But then we have these voices in our heads telling us that what we chose isn’t “good enough”. More often than not, I end up wearing the first thing I chose to begin with, wasting 20 minutes tearing myself down.

This is just one example of many that displays how one simple little phrase can break someone entirely. Am I overreacting? Heck no! When you tell someone that they look pretty because they lost weight, how did they look in your eyes before? Why does weight always have to be a factor? What about the makeup that they spent time on or the new hairdo they tried out?

Telling someone they look attractive is a compliment that can turn someone’s day around, but not when it is only based on a reflection of their weight.

Every time I go to a family function, I am asked the most famous question… “Did you lose weight?”. I will literally get looked up and down while their asking this. Now this could do one of two things.

1. Boost your confidence!

OR

2. Make you feel like shit.

You’re happy someone thinks you look skinny, but at the same time, you begin to wonder how that person perceived you before. It’s dehumanizing, to say the least.

It reminds me of when I was that little girl who struggled with her weight, having her family talk behind her back saying that she needed to lose weight. She was made fun of by fellow catholic school students, resulting in a terrible relationship with food. When someone says something about weight, even if they’re not even trying to be insensitive, there is just so much background that one doesn’t even consider.

Looking back at who I once was – and I’m sure others can relate – I was skinnier, but I barely ate. I’d eat a granola bar for breakfast and then go without eating until basically dinner. I’m not saying that I had a disorder, I mean I would eat. But when I did eat, I was very conscious about it; questioning whether those additional few pounds were worth it.

This is definitely an unhealthy way of looking at it and looking bad at her now I feel sorry for her. She was made fun of so much throughout grade school that it really made her rethink everything – still does sometimes.

I’m not telling you all this to make you feel sorry but to make you realize that there are other factors to someone that they might not share. Someone could have something medical going on with them, they might feel crushed that they are losing weight. Or maybe they have some medical condition causing them to gain weight. They can’t control it and honestly wouldn’t want someone to point it out to them every 5 seconds.

Society doesn’t help one bit. Part of the reason why women are self-conscious in their clothes is because sizing is different in every SINGLE brand! I could wear an M or size 8 at Target, but then be an L/XL or size 12 in a different brand. Now this doesn’t make much sense if you’re a man, I mean all you need to know is your waist/length in pants and it’s completely the same all around. But for a woman, it is different everywhere which declines their mental state.

I know what you’re thinking… clothing size, mental state. How does that mix? Let me educate you… when a woman goes into a clothing store, they try their usual size, and if it fits, great! But if it doesn’t it raises questions. Did I gain weight? Should I get my normal size (even though it fits smaller) in the hope that it’ll fit better one day? 

At this point, anyone like my old self would’ve gotten that size because that seems normal, even though it’s ill-fitting. I’d wear it and then feel absolutely terrible about what I was wearing. I now know that this was a major contribution to how I saw myself: fat, ugly, insignificant. If only I had gotten the size up, I would’ve felt more confident, ready to conquer the world.

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So how do we break out of this unconscious mold? For starters, always remain true to yourself. Find clothes that inspire you, making you do a double take at yourself in the mirror.

Buy the bigger size because it makes you look and feel good, don’t worry about the size on the inside. It’s only a size that no one will ever look at. If it helps, cut off the tag. If this simple act allows you to look beyond the size, then do it.

We can be the beginning of a major change in society. Instead of implying that someone looks even better because they lost weight, focus on other features on them causing them to glow. Are they smiling more? Does their outfit look on point? Are they finally embracing who they are, wearing what makes them happiest?

Compliment them. You might even make their day.

Then…

Go look at yourself in the mirror and smile because your smile is the most breathtaking view of all.